When i look back over my life part of my damage came from being exposed prematurely to the wrong things. I tried to fill a need that only Jesus could fill. Searching for resources instead of the source. I thought I just needed to find the right places, things, or people then everything would be okay.
That’s the only way I knew to live life. I thought it was about getting to the destination. Having fun, partying and drinking because it’s “LOOKS” cool. Having the career, money, family, house, etc. Just to say you have it or to flaunt the success cause it makes you a “somebody.” That’s all we see. Finding fulfillment through the external. Living life all for others to see.
But I found that when you follow Jesus, the true priorities of life are different. In the kingdom, to God, our heart matters before anything else. It makes sense since everything flows from it. Luke 6:45, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
Let me explain since God always got me to telling my business lol jk
In my younger years, when I went out of my way to get/do things it was a temporary happiness. They sufficed for the moment but I can definitely tell I was striving in my own strength. Honestly, I was happy on the outside but dying on the inside. I gained but yet was losing my soul. Me living a self-righteous and fleshly desired life left my heart filled with shame and guilt. It was cool (for the moment) but when I was all alone, I knew I wasn’t the person I was raised to be. Even worse, I knew I was far from God. I looked nothing like him, light, everything flowed from the inside was darkening more and more. It was Gods mercy that my heart didn’t fully darken (harden). It was his grace that his still soft voice reminded me this isn’t right.
Fast forward, that same grace and mercy is still on my life. The past 3 years, I have been just wanting the promises to happen. To the point I wished I never knew that there was a future in this because the pain of knowing felt like agony. It felt like God was dangling something in my face, but yet I wasn’t able to reach it no matter how hard I tried.
I was living in the same cycle, this time it just looked differently. I slapped living in purpose over it. I still was just working towards getting to the destination. My only focused was to get through the “mud” years, and to the so called better life. More money, clothes, the success, being known for helping people( ego driven), and living the fancy life. I once again had it all wrong.
Through my understanding, I found that God doesn’t hold back “gifts” (positions,opportunities, money, relationships, jobs, etc) for no reason. He isn’t trying to be mean. Or to do it to see us suffer. It simply may be a “not yet” moment in life. He is a father who will take all precautions, preparations, lessons, that is needed so that what comes out of your heart will be good. The right motives, intentions, love, giving, to be a blessing, etc. Take it a step farther.. he also wants to protect his other children so that you don’t also damage them resulting from an impure heart.
I know now the promise is a reminder when life looks impossible. It wasn’t for me to keep my eyes on. Life is worth more than the temporary treasures. Not about what he can give me, but who God is. Becoming more and more like him daily. Holy. And being a light (disciple) to others. Sharing the truth.
As I stay at his feet, the more my heart changes. His desires becomes my desires. The desire to love and use the gifts he gave me to serve his people which builds his kingdom. The desire to only have/ do/ be there if he is in it, and willing to give it all away if it keeps me away from him. Because I am truly nothing without God.
And no I’m not saying you can’t have nice things in life. God wants us to live a prosperous, blessed, and happy life in whatever aspect that may be, however; material things shouldn’t rule our lives. It shouldn’t be the reason we show up in this world. Gifts are just another indicator we have what we have because of God. And here’s the right way of doing it.
Maybe healing just needs to take place before anything else.
That area you want God to touch so bad. Ask for healing. Ask for God to search you heart. Your motives..
Talk to you soon, Key Lashaye 🖤
I’ll leave you with this
Matthew 19: 16-30
A man came to Jesus and asked,
“Teacher, what good thing must I do to have eternal life?”
Jesus answered, “Why do you ask me about what is good? Only God is good. But if you want to have eternal life, obey the law’s commands.The man asked, “Which ones?” Jesus answered, “‘You must not murder anyone, you must not commit adultery, you must not steal, you must not tell lies about others, l you must respect your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor” the same as you love yourself.'”
The young man said, “I have obeyed all these commands. What else do I need?”
Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, then go and sell all that you own. Give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven. Then
come and follow me!”
But when the young man heard
Jesus tell him to give away his money, he was sad. He didn’t want to do this,
because he was very rich. So he left.
Then Jesus said to his followers,
“The truth is, it will be very hard for a rich person to enter God’s kingdom.Yes, I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter God’s kingdom.” The followers were amazed to hear this. They asked, “Then who can be saved?”Jesus looked at them and said,
“This is something that people cannot do. But God can do anything.”
Peter said to him, “We left everything we had and followed you.
So what will we have?”
Jesus said to them, “When the time of the new world comes, the Son of Man will sit on his great and glorious throne. And I can promise that you who followed me will sit on twelve
thrones, and you will judge the twelve tribes of Israel. Everyone who has left houses, brothers, sisters, father, mother, children, or farms to follow me will get much more than they left. And they will have eternal life. Many people who are first now will be last in the future. And many who are last now will be first in the future.
