It’s another venting/transparent session girls!
I was just drinking my ginger tea and appreciating the day that Lord has made. As I looked out the window, I begin to evaluate how I have been living. There has been some areas I have been slacking in and I like talking to God out loud about my feelings because He says bring everything to Him. And I can admit, I tried fixing it on my own and it was not working. So I talked about my struggle that I felt… well WAS defeating me. It has been going on for weeks, maybe a little over a month, and to be real its a constant thing. LAZINESS AND UNPRODUCTIVENESS.
It started happening when this weird feeling came, that I can’t really put into words. Uncomfortable and unrecognizable is the best way I could describe it. Creating my own daily schedule made it worse. Even as I write this, my schedule is still jacked up. I stay up late because I choose not to put my phone down to avoid facing tomorrow and when tomorrow does come I have to drag myself out of bed. I know this needs to stop but my flesh continues the habit.
Since my days start late, I don’t want to do anything but just get school work done since that takes up a lot of my time. If its not school work, I am literally in bed scrolling on my phone looking at strangers lives and wasting away mine . But when I think to myself, it’s a blessing to be alive and have another 24 hours. Yet, I take it for granted.
I push my passions and hobbies to the back burner. I neglect this responsibility(this website) that God has given me and my creativity to execute the ideas in my head is low. The desire to write has been nonexistent. I feel like I let down myself but more importantly let God down and the vision he has for this blog. I used my feeling of unknown as an excuse to not do anything. Part of me want to just say, start the 7 week break early because no one will know I stopped posting but there is a longing in my heart to be here.
This is a reminder to us that God does work in the uncomfortable and the unknown. We may not know what goes on behind the curtain and we can’t try to figure it out. It’s not our job we just have to trust that it’s going to work out for our good. But take it from me, don’t allow it be an excuse.
With that being said, yes the feeling is still there but this isn’t going to be the last time that it happens. Uncomfortable equals growth. And sometimes we may slip into a funk because it’s not fun and it’s scaring. I’m just being real, no one likes to feel a way and not be able to point out the reason or feel like they don’t know themselves in the moment. But even through it you can find the good, the peace, and the comfort in God.
A week ago, God did give me peace. But I still did not do my part. I needed to partner with Him and say “yes my father I have no clue what you’re doing at this moment but I’m still going to show up everyday grateful and appreciative of every breath you give me and look at the goodness in my life to keep me pressing on daily.” I know the area(s) that I need to work on and put effort in and my willingness to change it is now.
If you can relate, just partner with God.
talk to you soon, Key Lashaye 🖤
