How My Journal Saved me From Destruction

Date
Sep, 26, 2021
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When I’m writing this it is currently Sunday, September 19th. I am reading old journal entries of my thoughts and emotions. 

Lately I feel lost, not remembering my love and reason for this blog. It leads to me not wanting to put the energy into creating content to share with you. Losing sight of the vision slowly, and questioning if I’m walking outside of the plans of God. It started when I posted YouTube shorts, something that made me excited, but had guilt inside that I could be doing wrong. Was I going against the blog that I know I’m supposed to do? Am I overthinking it? It’s easy to be proud of something you know you heard from God about but what if He is silent? Even when you prayed and asked, God if this is not your will for me remove the desire.

I feel like I can’t hear God fully. There’s times when I know he speaks but it feels like our connection goes in and out. Like a FaceTime call with bad WiFi and you only hear bits and pieces of the conversation. So I end up asking myself, “did I hear that correctly or was that me.” And there is no one to blame but myself. The connection was lost because I drifted away from the discipline and hunger for God’s word and Him being the first priority of my life. Leading to reversing back to an immature devotion. I half read my Bible and my prayers became mediocre. 

Yes, the Bible tells us to have a childlike faith but we can’t act like a child in everything. There are areas in our lives that have to mature such as, a ‘childish’ faith, discipline, desire, consistency, prayer, trust, etc. I hear people talk about inconsistency in their devotion all the time so I know I’m not alone. But we have to remember, yes we are supposed to depend on God; however, He does not tell us to stay consistent, read our bible, pray, or remain faithful. There are just certain things our father shouldn’t have to say because we already know what’s expected of us. 

 I decided enough was enough. I listened to church, prayed, and talked to God. I started to write down questions for God but the Holy Spirit reminded me to think about the beginning of this journey. I begin to look back in my journal to find when the idea of the blog was given to me. As I did that, I read my old thoughts and the reason why. It reminded me of how I wanted to start YouTube first, and then He gave me the idea of the blog months later. It all circled back to wanting to help others. I also realized that yes my responsibility is the blog but He will also give me my heart’s desires if it’s best for me, and I have to have faith that He is always in control. So my prayer is :

Heavenly Father, 

I know that you hear my wants. I trust that You know what is best for me. That You love me and want to bless and not harm me. I ask for patience as You guide me in the right direction.

In Jesus name, Amen.

During this time, not only did He remind me of the vision but I saw my growth in just one year through my words. And I say all this to say, sometimes God wants us to reflect. Reflect on the development through our journey in Christ. There are areas in your life that you have overcome and conquered but they go unnoticed because we focus on the big. It’s the small battles we forget because we never stop to see how God has changed our lives. Also to remind you to stick to the vision, reason, and purpose that God gave you. In the process, you may get lost and confused. When that happens, go back and track your steps. Through life there are many options, paths, and directions that are offered. When you feel like you’re at a cross road and don’t know which way to go, stop, pray, reflect, and ask what’s God’s way. 

Talk to you soon, Key Lashaye 🖤

P.S. I want to tell you to write everything down in your journal. If you don’t have one, get one (And If your finances are tight, email me and I’ll help. Matthew 5:42). Write down your thoughts, emotions, goals, how your day went, etc. You’ll never know when the reminder/answer is in the reflection. 

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