I think when I start to focus more on how to get to the next step. How this all is going to work out. Being nervous about the opinions of people. The anxiety kicks in.
It makes me want to run and hide from the calling. Not going to lie I’m scared. I battle the fence of wanting to scream God you can blow my mind and but wait it comes with judgement. I didn’t ask for my scars to be exposed. When I answered the call I didn’t realize I was saying yes to everything else. I talked about this in a previous post, Torn in between the two . This honestly scares me in moments like this.
Im ready to see God move in my life but that results with me letting go of my safety net. The net I created for myself. My own protection.
But wait, God is suppose to be my safety net. What’s keeping me from letting go and letting God? What is the root of this?
Lack of trust . Being a control freak(the need to know everything), lack of true faith (seeing with my eyes closed), and not being able to let go of the fact that this doesn’t make sense to the normal eye. To even me!
I know faith starts where understanding ends. But let’s be honest, it is hard to really believe that at times when so much is dependent on an “increase.”
I’m still learning how to trust God just like you. This walk gets hard! Especially when we live in the time of people sharing their “instant moments” . But what do you do when it’s been years of sowing in the place where God told you specifically to be and it’s still a desert?
And full transparency moment .. I have no clue. The only thing I know is to lean on the one that sustains. My God.
In this moment I’m choosing to surrender the plan in his hand. Im choosing to say God do what you know needs to take place. Get the glory out of my story. Holy Spirit teach me everyday the tools to surrender. To learn that I don’t have to protect myself. That he is my protector. That I can release my safety net ,as I keep my eye on him, stepping farther into the unknown.
So I say this, to remind you I’m just like you. We don’t always have it together no matter how it looks on social media.
Talk to you soon, Key Lashaye 🖤
